shattered again

After all his promises, and my agreeing to give him this last chance he did it again. He said he wanted to go shoot some pool and have a cranberry & ginger ale, so since he has been good I gave him $5 and drove him to the local place for an hour of conversation and a friendly game or three. When I arrived to pick him up, there on the bar in front of him was a very tall glass with about a half inch of beer left in it. The barmaid had no way of knowing he was supposed to be permanently on the wagon, so I wished her and the other folks a Happy Thanksgiving and waited till we got to the car.

I asked why and he said he'd just wanted a taste and had only had a little. BS! If he had asked for 'just a taste' it would have come in a short glass - why waste a quart glass for a sip? I confronted him about the return to lies and shattered trust. I blasted him for doing it to me AGAIN - why should I expect him to keep his word this time? In the past 5 years I've given him so many opportunities to do the right thing, and in the last two I've given him entirely too many 'last chances'. I hate to give up after 30 years, but why should I keep trying if I'm the only one trying? He begged for one last chance.

I typed up an agreement, stating that if he breaks his promise and drinks again he will immediately grant me an uncontested divorce. He read and signed two copies - one to keep in his wallet, one I put in an envelope and put away. I don't want his pension - I'll settle for survivor benefits. If he breaks his vow and we divorce, chances are I'll collect them all too soon, since he has never had to take care of himself for more than a few months at a time in his entire life. I've told him repeatedly that if he wants to kill himself with alcohol or anything else that he will have to do it someplace else. Like Etta Place, I don't intend to watch it happen - I'll skip that part.

A couple of betrayals back I had made a sign "Once an alcoholic Always an alcoholic" - I even showed it to him a few days ago to show how close it had come then. It is now posted on the door. Maybe I'm just a soft sentimental fool for even bothering to try again, but if he fucks up this time he can pack his meds and a few changes of clothes and come back for the rest when he finds a place to stay - I will not go through this again. Never, no nevermore, never again.