Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Things are things

Well, he is taking his meds without complaint (well, mostly) and we are waiting for the new batch of nicotine patches to arrive because he is finally willing to give up his little Backwoods cigars. Next week he starts a round of physical therapy that will hopefully help him regain some of his balance and strength. His attitude is much improved as well.

The problem is that his mental faculties are still slipping. He cannot remember things even five minutes after we have discussed them. He loses his train of thought at the slightest distraction - even just my turning down the volume of the radio in the car so I can hear him better will cause him to completely forget what he had been about to say.

He found some paperwork yesterday from after his last DWI was over, telling him he could get his license back. This dated back from before the incident of him driving without said license. He couldn't understand why I kept telling him he was not going to be driving again. The only thing he was thinking about was getting out on the road on his motorcycle - but he was forgetting how heavy it is, and how weak - not to mention unbalanced - he is, and all that on top of being on two different anti-seizure meds. He was frustrated by my inability to 'see reason' - he had the paper saying he could - why did I keep telling him he couldn't? :-(

Somehow I finally got through to him, but chances are we'll go through this again several more times. My best bet is probably to file the paperwork where he won't keep seeing it, triggering another go-round <sigh>

He still doesn't sleep well at night, which means he sleeps away a sizable chunk of the day - a vicious cycle. I'm tired too, because his nocturnal restlessness often wakes me. He's only 60 but looks like his old man did at nearly 70 a couple years before he died - it is scary. I'm not ready to lose him, but....The notion of not having to watch him deteriorate any further, not to have to clean up his messes (he spills things constantly due to inattention and hand tremors that just keep getting worse) The idea of sleeping through the night without being wakened by another crash as he falls on his way to the bathroom again... Sometimes it is so tempting to just wish it was over :-(

Then he pulls me into his arms and it feels so right I know I will just keep trying as long as I can.

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